The Red Leaky thing Or lets say p e r i o d
by Aubrium
Summary: Hermione hasn't gotten her period yet and lavender and parvati wants Hermione to be noticed by guys, can they do the make up miracle for Herm? what is the red leaky thing anywayz! R
1. Default Chapter

The Chronicals of......  
  
The Red Leaky Thing and the Magazines,  
  
God Bless Teenagers!  
  
---------------------- The  
  
Way  
  
It  
  
is  
  
Story One By S. D. Laming  
  
  
  
Ron and Harry were very happy for some reason, hmmp, Thought Hermione pouring over a book at the round table all by herself at the Gryffindor common room.  
  
Harry, Ron, Neville, Seamus, and Dean were all in corner talking about something.  
  
Hermione dropped her book and decided to join them, Ron was the first to look up at her.  
  
"What do you want Hermione?!" snapped Ron, in a rather rude tone of voice.  
  
"What are you all talking about? Homework well if you need some help-" said Hermione but she was cut off short when Harry interumpted her quickly.  
  
"No Hermione we're talking about boy stuff you wouldn't want to know about" said Harry simply furious Hermione sat down with them.  
  
"What do you mean boy stuff?" snapped Hermione.  
  
Seamus smirked with is Irish grin.  
  
"We're talking about who Ron Like---" laughed Seamus looking at Hermione playfully Ron gave Seamus a hard punch.  
  
"What a waste of time! I'll join Parvati and Lavender then" scoffed Hermione.  
  
"Fine" muttered the boys not really caring they were pouring over a certain kind of magazine.  
  
Hermione was finally 15 and she really never had a friend that was a girl only Harry and Ron well maybe Neville could pass for a girl...  
  
Hermione, even though it was very hard for her sat in a circle with Ginny, wich she didn't mind, But what she didn't like was sitting with Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown who were gigling all the time or whispering to each other.  
  
"Did you see Geo at the Ravenclaw table, He's the new guy from Scotland you should of heard his voice" giggled Parvati.  
  
"So?" muttered Hermione not really interested. Parvati ignored Hermione's saying and was whispering about Hermione to Lavender then both of them giggled.  
  
Lavender was going to show Hermione a cool dance move she learned last week when a long white thing fell out of her pocket, Lavender went red in the face as she picked it up.  
  
"What's that?" asked Hermione, Ginny, Lavender, and Parvati laughed immediatly.  
  
"Hasn't your mother told you anything about the "red Leeky thing?" "laughed Ginny.  
  
"No, What is the red Leeky thing, Is it a virus?" asked Hermione but the girls didn't laugh this time they looked, well sorry for Hermione.  
  
"Oh my god girls... Hermione doesn't have IT yet!" laughed Lavender tossing her pretty light blonde hair behind her shoulders it wasn't very funny but Parvati like usual managed to laugh very loudly in Hermione's ear.  
  
Ginny blushed.  
  
"I got IT when I was 10.." said Ginny blushing shyly.  
  
"Probably when she first saw Harry" laughed Lavender.  
  
"EWWWWW!!!!!!" cried Parvati waving her hands in disgust in the air.  
  
All three girls began to fight even red faced Ginny then Hermione yelled"WHAT IS "IT?" "Screeched Hermione.  
  
All three girls who were pulling each others hair turned to Hermione.  
  
"Well duh it's your P E R I O D" muttered Parvati like it wasn't a big thing.  
  
"You get it when your body matures it come every month well that's if you don't have sex" giggled Lavender.  
  
"Oh so boys can get it too?" asked Hermione feeling like she caught on.  
  
"No Hermione, Boys get...well other things but periods are much worst they make you bitchy and whiny!" whined Ginny, Hermione was starting to think Ginny had her period right now, Lavender leaned in even closer with pink rollers in her hair her eyes goggly like Brittany Murphy's.  
  
"And it makes you have .... wild, sex strides but you didn't hear it from me" whispered Lavender.  
  
Hermione, Ginny, and Parvati just gocked at what Lavender had just said.  
  
"WHAT? It's not like I'm speaking from experience!" whined Lavender, Parvati sniggered and Lavender kicked her.  
  
"Hermione I can't believe you don't know any of this crap, I think you have been hanging with Ron and Harry to long your turning into ONE OF THEM!" cried Parvati pointing out to the window were a bunch of girls wait a minute was it a bunch of guys? Hermione couldn't tell they looked like butches and their hair was all shaven off smoking.  
  
Hermione very scared stopped looking out of the window and ignored the fact one of the boyish girls blew her a kiss.  
  
"How can you save me?" cried Hermione, Parvati, Lavender, and Ginny giggled and brought out a hair dryer, hair gel and make up and weny dangerously slow to Hermione violent music began to play like the music in Jaws.  
  
"NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" cried Hermione.  
  
"YES!!!!!!!!!" said the three girls approaching her very slowly with the cosmetics.  
  
****  
  
"What's that yelling?" asked the boy group finally getting their...er... eyes of the magazine wich was infront of them..  
  
"Maybe it's a fight maybe Malfoy is getting beaten up!" cried Seamus will hope flint across in his eyes.  
  
"Let's go then!" cried Ron as the boys stampeded out of the hall while Hermione was getting hurt getting her legs and... er ...other places waxed.  
  
"Ooops, I screwed up, Blonde moment you know gotta do it over again" giggled Lavender waxing more spots on Hermione's legs.  
  
"NOOOOOO, OWWWW!!!!" cried Hermione.  
  
"Hair time" said Parvati getting three bottle of weird gunk.  
  
"What color should we do? blonde?" giggled Lavender.  
  
"NO, it should be red like Nicole kidman's" said Ginny smiling brightly.  
  
"No I dont want her to look like a skank!" protested Lavender.  
  
"I want her to have blonde hair like Cameron Diaz!" giggled Lavender.  
  
"Like that's even better" muttered Ginny.  
  
"How about we give her some light blonde highlights like Jennifer Lopez of something?" suggested Parvati without even giggling Hermione was too much in pain to talk at that moment.  
  
Parvati spread the thick gunk stuff over Hermione's hair. The hair wasn't highlighted but it was a rich dark brown like Sandra Bullock's hair.  
  
The girls began to do her face with fine eyeline lipstick and blush the whole package really.  
  
"We're done! Wow I guess you CAN do a lot on a Saturday" giggled Lavender tossing her blonde curls behind her back.  
  
"It's a Sunday" snapped Ginny.  
  
"Whatever" said Lavender.  
  
Hermione went to the girl's dorm and rested did she like the new image.  
  
Hermione woke up the next morning with Lavender standing over her bed with a giant hair blower.  
  
"Time to fix your hair" and Lavender had did a wicked laugh followed by a evil looking Ginny with a sharp nail filer and Parvati with a broken mear.  
  
"NO!!!!!!!" cried Hermione. But it was all just a dream but when she did wake up Lavender was standing over her bed.  
  
"Here is your hogworts uniform but ofcourse Parvati and I styled it a little let me say... Shorter????" giggled Lavender Hermione looked at her hogworts uniform it was shorter and it would reveal a lot at the top...  
  
"I cant wear that,..." cried Hermione but they forced it on her.  
  
***  
  
"Where's Hermione?" yawned Ron over breakfast.  
  
"I dont know" muttered Harry not interested.  
  
Immediatly the doors slammed open and Parvati and lavender walked in with shades but not every boy was gocking at them, a very sexy attractive brunnette girl walked in with a short hogworts uniform she took off her shades and placed them on top of her flat silky brown hair.  
  
"Thank god for pantene!" cried Ginny.  
  
The attractive 7th year girl but know one knew how old she was or anything she sat in the middle of Harry and Ron. All the boys snarled at Harry and Ron jealously and Cho chang was jealouse that this "New Girl" was getting more attention then her.  
  
"Um hello" said Ron in a rather quiet voice.  
  
"My name is Ron and uh..my Father owns...a uh... chain of Broom stick store we're pretty wealthy and I fought off a dragon with my bare hands!" lied Ron trying to impress the girl but Harry was to scared to say anything.  
  
"Ron cut the crap it's me, you know Hermione..." muttered Hermione.  
  
Ron went totally red in the face.  
  
"WHAT DID they DO TO YOU! Did god help you become something different or did you get plastic sugery?" asked Malfoy.  
  
"Well Malfoy considering since your family is so ritch I thought YOUR mother would get plastic surgery to fix that nasty snarl on her face but maybe she likes it because she knows it forms on you" said Hermione flatly MAlfoy sulked and sat down.  
  
"You think I look that much different I know I went threw a lot of pain but..." muttered Hermione.  
  
"What were you saying to Hermione, something about wrestling Dragons, what elese were you going to tell her or ASK her Ron" giggled Lavender kicking Ron.  
  
"Go away" mutttered Ron blushing Harry seemed pretty dazed too.  
  
* * *  
  
Harry and Ron were studying together while Ron was thinking about Hermione when Harry said something very..unusual.  
  
"I think I'm going to ask Hermione out to the three broomsticks for dinner tommorow night" said Harry plainly. Ron broke his quill.  
  
"When have YOU ever liked Hermione?" snapped Ron very jealouse because if his famouse friend "Harry Potter" asked out Hermione she would be gladly to go with him since he's famouse.  
  
"Whatever" said Ron throwing his quil at Harry and running off Harry just shrugged.  
  
THE NEXT NIGHT  
  
Ron didn't see a trace of Harry or Hermione. Ron walked for a stroll of the gardens of Hogworts.  
  
He spotted Hermione glancing at the sparkling lake.  
  
Should I go up to her? thought Ron, Don't be stupid, She doesn't like you she likes Harry she's probably thinking about how wonderful he was at dinner earlier but Ron's feet magically made him walk up to Hermione.  
  
"Ron? What are you doing here?" asked Hermione shocked but surprised.  
  
Ron was going to tell her something important but decided not to tell her it.  
  
"What are YOU doing here?" asked Ron.  
  
" I was just thinking" said Hermione.  
  
"How was your date with Harry?" asked Ron trying not to sound like he cared.  
  
Hermione looked startled but had a soft smile.  
  
"I didn't go with him" said Hermione simply.  
  
"WHAT-??!?" yelled Ron confused.  
  
"But he's famouse and everything!" protested Ron.  
  
"That's not what I look in all guys" said Hermione simply.  
  
"What about Viktor Krum?" asked Ron narrowing his eyes Hermione smacked him across the face.  
  
"Don't be stupid Ron I like Viktor because he was very kind not because he was famouse if I cared so much about famouse guys then why would I like ...you..." said Hermione but she gasped when she heard what she said, Even though Ron's cheek was stinging from the Hermione smack his blue eyes lit up.  
  
"You like me? and not Harry?" asked Ron Surprised.  
  
"Well duh, Last year Seamus told me you liked me" giggled Hermione.  
  
"He told me it before the yule ball when I was well...just me" said Hermione touching her flat hair.  
  
"I'm going to kill Seamus after I..." muttered Ron.  
  
"After what?" asked Hermione, Ron shrugged and kissed her warmly a whole bunch of people ran to them with Seamus in the lead.  
  
"Look! It's Ron and Hermione and they're gona... do..." yelled Ron but Ron punched Seamus in the face.  
  
Every one surronded Ron and Hermione and clapped.  
  
Ginny spotted Harry she giggled and went each step closer to him.  
  
Who knows Hermione and Ron got their wish maybe Ginny could.  
  
----------------------------------  
  
If you like this story then email the author at danielle14dl@aol.com to tell her your comments if you didn't like the story please don't contact her.  
  
What I had to say about the story, By the Author:  
  
At first I was going to do like a beauty pagent thing but that might come later, Dont steal my idea! even though it's been used a million times, I am not just a Hermione/Ron fan you know I don't really support any couples I really dont care but I think it's weird to read a slash fic about a girl and a girl or a boy and a boy...thats just a little out there. I like to write and I just don't write about Harry Potter, My sister Samantha she has gotten her poems published to several best selling poem books so it runs in our family I have gotten my stories published in magazines and won a 500.00$-1000 $ writing contest before but it was very hard work for the 500$ contest I wrote a non fiction story where I had to research and stuff I did the story Behind "Jack the Ripper" and many unsolved Mysteries before, The $500 contest I got in second place was a story about a group of boys running away from their families who were really bad to them they lived in the Bronx New York and they run away and live off the land and escape the law and they get mixed feelings and their boys going threw puberty so it's hard for them to cope when there is no one to talk to. One of the boy's friends Jimmy actually stolen many things so the other boys are wondering why the police is after them and these other people. There arw many gang wars and standing up for your self stuff, I was inspired by S.E. Hinton with her book the "out Siders" but don't worry S.E hinton Fan's I didn't copy her!  
  
The story I wrote is hard to explain to you but it was very good well I thought it was.  
  
Last year I wrote my biggest FF ever on regyular line paper, I complete 699 pages and sadly I lost it all... ER...! all summer I worked so hard to write that! But it was about the trio I think in 5th year and it talked about another force of Evil, Peter Pettigrew's wife is helping Voldemort in anyway. There is a female DADA teacher, Professor Rosine (Row-sign) and Ron has a small crush on her, Rosine and Lupin don't get along to well though he he because Rosine beated Lupin for the DADA job. The plot is that there is a myth in the school that there is a huge globe thing and it can release the light of Sanora wich can bring Harry right to Voldermort or to Peter or whoever, A traitor in the school has opened it on the last day of school and Harry, Lupin, and Rosine and other people are stuck in the school, I am going to type it out if I can remember it, it is really good trust me!  
  
I am 14 years old turning 15 soon.  
  
I have blonde hair and brown eyes I am not extremely ugly but I'm extremely pretty either. I only give one pic out to people because I just dont want them to like me because of a picture and stuff.  
  
Well thats all thanks for reading my FF! 


	2. Chapter 2: GinnyHarry, Satisfaction Epis...

Instead of doing chapters and continueing I am doing episodes with other people to, This time it's Ginny and Harry last time it was focused on Ron and Hermione, but couples will be mentioned.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Great Meal happy on the Side  
  
  
  
Chronicals of The Red Leaky Thing and the Magazines, God Bless Teenagers! -------- --------------  
  
Last episode/story was called:  
  
The Way It is  
  
The Way It is was about Hermione transforming into a beauty queen but it really wasn't her and Ron fell in love with her plus Hermione got taught by the gryffindor girls a thing or two about periods, PG13 you are allowed to talking about talking and kissing little sex scenes but not too far because then it would be R and I want people under 17 to read my story hell I dont care if your 7.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------  
  
Chronicals of The Red Leaky Thing and the Magazines, God Bless Teenagers! ----------------- ------------- ------------  
  
Satisfy Me episode 2/story2  
  
It was a normal day sighed Harry as he saw how happy Ron and Hermione were only god knows what they did in their spare time. Harry gocked at popular Cho Chang who was talking to her friends while foolish boys drooled over her, It was the other night when Harry had a strange dream and had a strange sensation when he woke up the next moring well let's not get into details if you have no idea what I'm talking about go ask your Mom heh heh. Harry didn't want to be with any one else only Cho. After the death of Cedric Harry was surprised to see Cho date a new guy so fastly it was Geo, All the girls liked him and he was from Scotland one thing that girls couldn't see in him is, whinning, "I can't live with out you", "My thumb hurts", "It's cold" , "I'm lonely", "I'm hungry". Harry and Ron heard that every day from Geo and Ron wanted to punch Geo a good one across the face but Hermione convinced Ron that Geo would whine even worst. Lavender was a little upset that Hermione didn't like the new her but Lavender just pertended it didn't even bother her. Harry remembered when he was in 2nd year and he saved Ron's younger sister Ginny. Ginny was a pretty girl and all but was she Harry's type? Harry to this day knew he was stupid but what men aren't at first? j/k, jk, guys. * * *  
  
Hermione still wanted to have some girl meeting with her girl friends though, Hermione, Ginny, Parvati all sat on Lavender's bed all of them were in their night gowns and you guessed it, Lavender was wearing pink rollers. "What is the first thing on the agenda girls?" asked Lavender looking at Parvati for a answer who was holding a pinkish diary.  
  
"We have a annoucment, Hermione finally got her period!" annouced Parvati all the girls giggled and clapped, Hermione flushed. "I got a question, Oh great one" said Ginny to Lavender who thought she knew everything about boys and cosmetics or whatever.  
  
"Go a head, Oh Great one shall answer questions from peasants" laughed Lavender Ginny smacked her playfully with a pillow.  
  
"Neville asked me out on a date I dont know how to tell him no without hurting his feelings, what do I do?" pleaded Ginny.  
  
"Say, Sorry Neville, But I am busy tonight or this week or your not in the mood or maybe some other time" said Lavender fastly, Ginny shrugged.  
  
"Any other questions from ye circle?" asked Lavender eyeing Hermione and Parvati both girls said no but Ginny asked one more question.  
  
"How do you get a guy to notice you?" asked Ginny shyly.  
  
"Well with makeup and great style" suggested Lavender proud of her answer but it wasn't correct.  
  
"I have great fashion and great looks but still Harry I mean some one STILL doesn't like me!" cried Ginny.  
  
Lavender thought for a moment...  
  
"Under cover sista!" shouted Lavender.  
  
"Under cover what!?!?" snapped Hermione.  
  
"Hear this, we go undercover go in the dorm hang out with harry and his dudes and ask Harry what he likes in a girl and if he says all Cho chang qualties we'll beat him up" suggested Lavender.  
  
"What do you mean. 'Under over' You dont mean we have to dress as boys do you?" cried Parvati wanting to cry of the terrible suggestions.  
  
"But boys scratch their..."  
  
"ENOUGH, don't scare us before bedtime" cried Lavender shrilled.  
  
"Why dont we just ask Hermione what Harry find for a girl" asked Ginny.  
  
"I was just going to suggest that" lied Lavender airly.  
  
"Whatever" said Ginny rolling her eyes.  
  
"C'mon you guys! I never talked to Harry about that kind of stuff before he usually discusses it with Seamus Dean and those people" muttered Hermione.  
  
"Yeah thats what I thought" said Lavender her eyes glowing.  
  
"This is the plan we pertend to be weird boys, we'll wear wigs and stuff and boy clotbes and we'll talk to Harry like we are new from here and we'll talk about girls in stuff, I'll pass out the wigs" said Ginny.  
  
"Here is your wig Hermione, your Brad" said Ginny handing Hermione a blonde wig.  
  
"I wanted to be brad!" whined Lavender.  
  
"SHH!" hissed Ginny as she gave Lavender a brown hair wig shaggy and cool looking.  
  
"Cool I look like Calso from that 70's show, Totally rad man!" said Lavender putting on shades standing infront of a mear with her toung hanging out.  
  
"I'm so hot" said Lavender twirling.  
  
"Um guys dont usually twirl only Neville and your wig is upside down" laughed Ginny fixing Lavender's wig.  
  
Ginny got a red wig, Parvati was given a black wig bringing out her "handsome eyes".  
  
Each girl placed on a mask creme spell wich will make them look like male faces.  
  
Then they sprayed Fat Gro on to have their shoulders more broad, But Lavender didn't use it right and in stead of getting mucles she got a fat stomach but Hermione fixed it, Lavender stared at herself in the mear.  
  
"I'm a natural born hotty!" cried Lavender in a high squeak.  
  
"Stop you moron talk like a guy" snapped Ginny in a deep voice.  
  
"But how?" asked Lavender still in a girly voice.  
  
"Just act like your don't know anything or your confused then you'll sound like a man" suggested Parvati.  
  
"Ok, whateveer" grunted Lavender getting the hang of it.  
  
"Luckilly NOT EVERYTHING changed" said Ginny looking down somewhere.  
  
All "boys" walked in the gryffindor common.  
  
"Who are you?" asked Harry to the bunch of weird characters.  
  
"We're guys and we're stupid and we're last" laughed Lavender in a grunting voice Ginny kicked her.  
  
"We are new here, I heard your Harry Potter!" said Parvati in a low voice.  
  
"Well yeah, my friends are gone right now I'll show you around the boy's dorm, you must be in Gryffindor, What is all of your names?" asked Harry.  
  
"Brad" said all of them at once.  
  
"Huh?" asked Harry.  
  
"I mean I'm steven" said Lavender kinda in a giggly voice Harry looked at her like he was a freako.  
  
"I'm the brad, brad, isn't a nice name?" asked Hermione smiling phonnily.  
  
"Ya" muttered Harry.  
  
"I'm Jeff" said Ginny her face going red as she saw Harry wich made everything worse.  
  
"Um are you okay your face is going red" muttered Harry to "Jeff"  
  
"I'm Joe" said Parvati.  
  
Harry showed them around what they saw was posters of girls in underwear.  
  
"How unsanitary!" screeched Lavender.  
  
"What?" asked Harry.  
  
"Nothing I mean check out those hot girls" said Lavender trying to act cool her face sweating. the girly boys laughed nervously. they sat with Harry.  
  
"So what kind of girls do you like?" blurted out Ginny in a girly voice Harry didn't notice though.  
  
"I like a girl who is atheletic and likes quidditch and has great personality" said Harry.  
  
"Ok thanks we have to go now" they yelled and ran away and ran into the girl's dorm.  
  
"I want my boobs back RIGHT NOW!" cried Lavender taking off the wig hermione sprayed a mist on them and they all went back to normal.  
  
"Yes their back" said Lavender put placed some kleenex in her shirt.  
  
"All nice and even" giggled Lavender.  
  
"Hermione I am totally afraid of flying what am I going to do?" cried Ginny.  
  
"Dont worry I have a plan" said Hermione a minute later she came back with Oliver wood who was wat to over euthiastic.  
  
Wood taught her how to fly and play very well it took the whole weekend none stop and she researched about everything on quidditch.  
  
Ginny made the quidditch team as a new chaser and scored the most goals agiasnt slytherins and told her friends infront of Harry amazing facts about quidditch.  
  
Harry did seem to take a new interest it was working.  
  
Harry liked Ginny but he confessed he liked her before but likes her now too.  
  
Ginny went in the circle of girls the next week.  
  
"What happens if you like 2 guys, I dont know who to pick Oliver or Harry!!!!!" cried Ginny.  
  
All girls sighed.  
  
"Can't we ever satisfy you!" muttered Hermione. 


	3. From the Author: Meet SDLaming, With con...

A note from the Authorhttp://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=330724  
  
A girl her email address was | |imajination2003@yahoo.com |  
  
She said that is highly unlikely for a girl to not know about periods and changed and stuff, I knew a friend actually, a couple of friends that was confused about these kind of things so I wrote this fan fiction to try to help her. The story may be un real but so is Harry Potter. It's called a Fan Fiction, Fiction means "not real" so your not going to always see real life things in Fan Fiction.net!!!!  
  
What's coming up???  
  
I am done chapter 2/episode two it is about Ginny and Harry, I think the next one will be about Seamus and Lavender but I don't want to spill it.  
  
The full name of the Chronical is called The Red Leaky thing, The Magazines, God Bless teenagers.  
  
The First episode/story is about Hermione and Ron, Called The Way It is, and the second one is called Satisfaction I think I did Satisfaction to quickly, (spelling errors everywhere) But people love to hear the next chapters so quickly.  
  
Please review or write in the review thing what couple you want to hear about next out of: Lavender + Seamus, Parvati +Seamus, Neville+ Lavender, Parvati +Neville, Neville+ ???? , Parvati +??? Lavender+ ????  
  
I don't think I will be doing and slashed though sorry.  
  
???= new character  
  
I write things stories about sex, life, whatever for teens younge teens and old teens and little kids can read it to but they wont understand that much out of it.  
  
I hope you like my work if you don't that's fine, my email address is stephyd14l@aol.coom you can contact me if you like my work.  
  
S.D Laming 


End file.
